Full Disclosure: If we’ve ever spoken, I’ve written about you in my journal.
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words…
I finished another journal. A pretty thing, embossed with Tudor Roses and gilt pages, purchased from a museum gift shop in Washington. It was bigger than what I’m used to, but it fit in my purse and was mostly discreet at coffee shops.
I had purchased the successor a few weeks ago. I like to keep the spare around in case I fall into a spell and run though the last pages faster than anticipated. Is there anything worse than having a mind raging with things to write and no journal nearby? Or maybe having a notebook, but no good pens?
I have found that buying a new journal before the old one is finished is a bit like declaring the heir before the reigning monarch has died. Your hopes and dreams turn to the novelty. In the past, I’ve found myself wasting pages full of nonsense just so I can move onto the next.
I have been keeping a journal since December 21, 2001. Nearly 13 years! Almost half of my life!! Save for a few months here and there, I have mostly recorded every day of those 13 years in one way or another. Journaling is a tool that I use to achieve all the “selfs” I was talking about.
I keep a diligent agenda, the Moleskin Weekly Notebook has been my favourite for the past 6 years or so, where I keep a detailed record of the day-to-day goings on: my work hours, funny things that happen throughout the day, what I make for dinner, noting mood extremes either happy or sad, time spent with friends and family, and my gym schedule. Basically, all the facts.
This may seem excessive to some, but I’ve been doing it for so long it is just a part of who I am: constantly taking notes, making plans, scheduling ahead. If I don’t get through my thoughts as I write in my journal during the day, once a week or so, usually on Sunday, I’ll pull out my agenda and transfer in the details of the week with expanded thoughts or comments. I had taken to calling it my double journal system- the agenda and journal working in tandem. Using these two books, I can basically track every day of the last 5-6 years in great detail.
I have a big box stuffed with my old journals. Too many to count now. This box would be the first thing I grab in a fire. It is my life’s work, my legacy, and my greatest accomplishment, thus far. Self-indulgent and narcissistic, maybe. Therapeutic, calming, and essential for good spirits, definitely.
This is how I keep track of my feelings, loves, dreams, fears, big thoughts, and plans. It is one of my dearest friends. Within those pages I can be honest about everything I’m thinking and feeling. I don’t hold anything back. I have thoughts and feelings for a reason, and I think it would be a disservice to suppress them, so I explore them fully.
Logistically, the best time for me to write is at lunch. With a coffee, and a good pen, sometimes earplugs, I can get about 30 minutes in during the day. Sometimes over the weekend I’ll have a marathon session and hammer out pages for hours. Sometimes I’ll take breaks… circling back to tackle an issue or a tricky problem.
If I don’t write for a few days, and I have my agenda building up a list of bullet points to address, I get stressed. I imagine it’s like being an addict, I actually crave writing in my journal. Sometimes, when I purposely avoid writing, it’s because I have an issue that I’m trying to avoid. I don’t want to write because I know I’ll have to confront it. Those are usually the times when I need to write the most.
My greatest wish would be to one day publish these journals. I see the paradox here. While, yes, I am writing for myself, I do write with the understanding that one day these may be read by others. Millions of others? Perhaps. When Anne Frank heard on the radio that journals and letters were being collected for the historical record, she began to edit her work and started to revise for the purpose of publishing. She was writing on a small-scale, but with the bigger picture in mind.
While I would love it if the things I wrote entertained or inspired people, I don’t know if anyone but myself would find it relevant or worthwhile. I’m sure it will need to be many years from now to soften the blow to my friends and family. FULL DISCLOSURE: If we’ve ever spoken, I’ve written about you in my journal. Some more than others.
I do have more to say on my favourite topic, but with this, I’ll let you go. Wishing you many happy hours of self-exploration and insight through journal writing.
Remember, the unexamined life is not worth living!
The Joys of a New Journal first appeared on Paper Clips by Maggie de Barra.
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